What happens when you can’t explain it… yet?

What happens when you can’t explain it… yet?

by | Feb 23, 2023 | Blog, Community, Leadership, Ministry, My Life

Yet. 

That’s a powerful word in my world, right now. 

I’d love to say that using that word conveys excitement for what lies ahead. If that were true, I’d qualify it as being ‘ripe with hope’. But to add positive qualifications to this simple, three-letter word would misrepresent. 

Today the term ‘yet’ is not full of hope. But there is some. There is enough to show up today and ask another question. Enough to press into the conversation a little more, no matter how light the press might be.

I’ve shared a little recently about this journey of transformation in my life. This week I listened to a message from Austin New Church that hits directly at the questions and doubts my heart is fighting to resolve.

As people of faith, what does loving others ACTUALLY look like? As a community of faith, do we understand the difference between external conformation and internal transformation? And has the Church (big C) adopted an approach that’s caused more damage than good?

Something is off about how we create space for someone to be curious about faith. How we allow them to show up in that space with no expectation to change. How we advocate for growth without requiring conformity.

Something needs to change. I know this with conviction. I can’t fully explain it yet. But that doesn’t make it any less true.

Something has to change.

A friend recently pointed out that I’d used the term ‘yet’ at the end of one of these thoughts. And they didn’t want me to miss the importance of it. And the hope that it held.

The past few years I’ve slowly examined beliefs I thought were foundational to my life. Foundational to my faith. And with each thread I pulled, more questions emerged. And with every question… more doubt.

Over time my faith nearly became unrecognizable… unfamiliar… unexplainable.

And yet… stronger… purer… more intimate.

There’s that word again… Yet.

No, I can’t explain it yet. But one day I will.

And in the in-between time I sit with the tension of knowing without understanding. It’s an odd space to exist. How can someone know without understanding?

Great question. Could it be connected to a ‘knowing’ referenced in Psalm 139:14?

I will give thanks to You, because I am awesomely and wonderfully made;

Wonderful are Your works,

And my soul knows it very well. (NASB)

It’s the last line that gets me. “And my soul knows it very well.” 

As if there is something deep within me… within my soul that understands something my head can’t easily comprehend. A knowing I cannot explain… yet. 

As one who loves the journey to understanding, I confess that my preferred pathway is outside in. Just give me the facts. A book to read. A TedTalk to watch. A podcast to consume. Give me the expert opinion and I’ll adopt it as my own. 

That approach begins with the head and attempts to push to the soul. But deep understanding doesn’t take that path. Deep understanding is an inside out kind of journey. Deep understanding begins with the internal and makes its way to the external. 

It makes me wonder if the author of Psalm 139:14 smiled as they penned those words. “And my soul knows it very well.” To acknowledge there is a divinely crafted soul within each of us that knows a limitless Creator in a way our limited minds struggle to conceive.

But our soul doesn’t feel the need to conceive. Only to reach. Only to connect. Only to behold the Mystery.

The soul isn’t bothered by things it cannot explain because it knows an explanation is not the point. Connection is the point. 

The soul isn’t distracted by what it cannot comprehend because comprehension isn’t the point. Communion is the point. 

The soul isn’t consumed by the thought of being perfect because perfection is not the point. Wholeness is the point.

The soul’s deepest desire is to shed the things that hinder connection, communion and wholeness. 

If this is true, then is it possible that deep within us our soul drives us toward a truth we know is right, even if we cannot articulate it… yet. 

And it only begs the question… what could our faith communities look like if we stopped focusing on forcing others to conform and simply held space for the soul to do what the soul longs to do… experience Connection… Communion… Wholeness?

What would it look like if we allowed the soul to drive what needs to be shed in order to know Connection… Communion… Wholeness?

What might happen when we stop worrying about how people show up in this world and simply embrace them when they show up and why they show up… and the beautiful complexity they introduce simply because they are awesomely and wonderfully made… and even OUR souls can see that.

The Journey to Rediscovering Me

The Journey to Rediscovering Me

by | Feb 17, 2023 | Blog, My Life

A few weeks ago I shared some thoughts on my personal self-leadership journey and things I’ve changed my mind about. Both posts are born from a book I’ve read twice in the past few months. Truth be told… I’ll read it again. And again.

This is one of those books that offers nuggets of truth with every turn of the page. I love journey’s like this.

Richard Rohr’s book Immortal Diamond is a profound exploration of the spiritual journey towards discovering our true identity as beloved children of God. Drawing from the Christian mystical tradition, Rohr uses the metaphor of the diamond to describe the true self that lies at the core of each of us. This self is not defined by our accomplishments, possessions, or external labels, but rather by our connection to our Creator.

One of the key themes of the book is the idea that we must first let go of our false self – the ego-driven self that is shaped by societal norms and expectations – in order to access our true self. This can be a difficult and painful process, requiring us to confront the parts of ourselves that we have been taught to suppress or deny.

The nugget to which I continue to return is the parable Rohr centers this idea upon. A parable Jesus shares with his followers (Matthew 13:44) where he makes another attempt to help his audience understand a little more of what the reign of heaven can look like in their lives. This audience is keenly aware of the reign of Rome and the oppression & marginalization they experience daily.

Jesus offers a contrast in this story giving insight into what the reign of heaven can look like. It’s like a man who discovers treasure in a field. He hides the treasure again and (“in his joy”) sells everything he owns and purchases the field that contains that treasure. That’s a bold move.

It’s as if Jesus was telling this crowd that the treasure this man discovered was worth EVERYTHING he had in order to possess it.

Rohr contends that Jesus was attempting to communicate that within each of God’s creation (ahem… US 😉) lies our true selves. The person God created us to be. Our truest version of us. And therein lies an invitation to…

…co-labor with our Creator…

… to seek what’s hidden deep within….

…and unearth the truest version of ourselves…

…surrendering all we have in order to reveal this version of us to the world.

This is a very different way of thinking for me. As a woman who’s spent the majority of my life in the church, I was taught the deepest, truest version of me is…

…broken…

…fractured by sin…

…prone to wander…

…never to be trusted.

This way of thinking requires constant behavior modification. External guardrails to keep this inherently sinful me in check.

Though there is truth to this messaging that the church shares about our tendency toward self-focus, my mind has begun to change about this. I’m not here to debate theology. That’s not my expertise and I couldn’t hold a candle to many reading this post. I only want to contend that when we focus so heavily on our inherent sin nature we can detract from another equally valuable truth… that we are created by a Divine Creator. That we have inherent value simply because we exist. And that inherent value was never fractured by sin.

It’s this inherent value that I continue to circle back to when I consider the work I’ve begun as I co-labor with my Creator to unearth the truest version of me. Not the politically-correct, good-Christian, fluent-in-church-speak version of me. Rohr would call that my ‘false self’ that I’ve invested so much time cultivating,

Because I’ve spent all my life tending to this ‘false self’, I’ve lost time and energy excavating the real me. The real me remained under the surface. Creating a foundation upon which my ‘false self’ was propped up for all to see… and (hopefully) admire.

The good Christian pastor, wife, mom, daughter, friend… etc. And though I will always argue that this version of me was true. It was not completely true. And unfortunately, what is not completely true begins to break down over time. The foundation that propped up my false self had cracks in it. And those cracks were growing larger.

The immortal diamond (aka truest version of me) was under the surface waiting to be discovered… ready to be excavated. Eager to be fully known.

Unearthing the truest version of me has proven to be a journey of extreme courage, profound loss, and redefining rootedness. Though there are aspects of this journey that I wish were not as hard… it’s difficult to see how it could be any other way. Surrendering all that I had in order to possess all that I am.

Simple yet profoundly difficult.

And unavoidably necessary in the journey to rediscovering me.

3 Most Important Steps to Build a Mighty Culture in a Small Team

3 Most Important Steps to Build a Mighty Culture in a Small Team

by | Feb 14, 2023 | Blog, Leadership, My Life, Team Building

Team culture. Organizational culture. It seems like every-other business book on my Kindle recommendations list focuses on the topic of culture.

Culture continues to be a hot topic in the realm of work. It’s become increasingly clear over the past few decades that organizational mission and vision won’t get you far unless you can leverage the power of culture to rally the right people around that vision and see it materialize.

Culture boils down to how team members ‘stack hands’ and come together to pursue a goal, vision or mission.

As I’ve researched potential companies, I love to see is where smaller companies have an intentional focus on culture. And I believe this is what sets them up to go further faster as they experience growth and expansion.

Yet creating a strong culture within a small team can be dangerously overlooked. When your team is more like a golf team than football team (Sticky Teams, Osborne), it’s easy to dismiss the need to cultivate culture. When team members work so closely together, it’s easy to assume that the most important values that shape your organization are clear.

And they may be very clear… at the moment. But with every person you hire to your team, the more opportunity there is for your organizational values to dissipate. And that slow fade is hard to see. In fact, it’s almost imperceptible.

I learned the hard way how subtle that erosion can be. You see, it’s not the person that EVERYONE can clearly watch moving in the wrong direction. Nope. It’s the one that is moving just two degrees off. They look like they’re on the same page as everyone else. In fact, initially they are on the same page.

But as time progresses, and their perception of acceptable values go unchallenged eventually you look up and realize they’re on a different page. And they’ve taken a few good people with them.

And the worst feeling in the world is when you look up and realize, you’ve lost some really good people because you assumed culture translates automagically.

Building culture on a small team might feel like overkill. But it’s incredibly important for future success. In my experience, there are a few critical steps to create a strong culture with a small team.

  1. Clearly define your values and mission: This sounds remarkably familiar, doesn’t it? But don’t dismiss it quickly. Define what you stand for as a team. Establish a set of core values that everyone can rally around, and make sure that your mission is clearly defined and communicated. These values should guide all decision-making and help to create a shared understanding of what the team is working towards. Pro tip: Make them sticky. Don’t just write down value statements and call it good. Do the hard work to reduce these statements to their irreducible minimum. Economy of words is key here. The shorter the phrase, the easier to remember. And you want your team to remember them.
  2. Foster open communication: In a small team, communication is key. Encourage an open-door policy where team members feel comfortable approaching you with their ideas and concerns. Regular team meetings and one-on-one check-ins can also help to keep everyone on the same page and foster a sense of trust and transparency. Pro tip: Don’t expect your team to know they can always come to you. Go to them. The more you pursue them… their thoughts… their insights… their perspective, the more they will trust that you really mean it when “your door is open”.
  3. Lead by example: Model the behavior and values you want to see in your team. This means being honest, transparent, and supportive in all interactions with your team. Invest in their professional and personal growth. Communicate with your actions, not just your words and you’ll gain more equity than you need. Pro tip: Apologize. Just freaking apologize. If you have to eat humble pie in order to do so, then shove it down your pie hole. Nothing builds trust faster than when you own your mistakes and apologize. You’d be surprised the impact of simply owning your junk and creating safety for your team to own theirs.

Creating a strong culture within a small team requires effort and commitment from everyone involved. It may feel unnecessary or a little too soon… but it will prove to be time well-invested. By establishing clear values, fostering open communication, and leading by example with your small team, you get ahead of the game by crafting a culture talent and skill want to be part of.

And there’s nothing better than having talent and skill just waiting to join your team. 😀

3 Ways I Break the Rut in Self-Leadership

3 Ways I Break the Rut in Self-Leadership

by | Feb 7, 2023 | Blog, Leadership, My Life

The hardest person you’ll ever lead is you.

Is that a familiar phrase?

Leadership is a funny thing. It’s not about telling others what to do. In fact, if that’s your notion of leadership, your approach is fundamentally flawed. There’s an opportunity to rethink things here.

Leadership isn’t just about leading others. It begins with leading you. It’s about taking control of your own life. I mean, let’s face it, if you can’t even lead yourself, how can you expect to lead others?

I’ve been trying to embrace the art of personal leadership for a while now, and let me tell you, it’s been a real journey. The most consistent challenge I encounter is my own will. I mean, when the schedule gets busy tasks like self-care and goal-review fall off my task list faster than… well, let’s just agree that they fall off… fast.

I used to tell myself I was a really consistent person. But, the truth is, my consistency comes down to comfortable ruts I can find myself contentedly stuck in. Ruts that don’t stretch or challenge me. Ruts that allow me to hide from the harder challenges that could produce greater growth.

Running is a great example. I love running. This was my form of fitness and stress relief for years.

But my rut mentality got in the way.

Every health goal I set over the years somehow always came back to running enough to get to a certain fitness level. Though I would wholeheartedly agree that other forms of exercise like weight training or yoga could help… even improve my running. It was easier just to stick with running and call it good.

Until the knee went out. Then it’s not good any longer. Not good at all.

Ruts are such a good disguise. They can lead you to believe you’re making progress… moving the ‘ball down the field’. And though they can produce progress out of mere consistency, they can also give a false sense of accomplishment. Leading you to believe you can make more progress than you actually can.

It’s like riding the A train expecting it to get you to B route destinations. You can ride that train all day long and never reach the destinations you desire. You have to switch trains.

As this career change journey progresses, I’ve had to force myself to break out of some ruts and lean into the things that are less comfortable for me. Things like…

Networking
Though I LOVE connecting with people, my purpose for connecting has been from a place of learning more about them and how we might leverage resources to help each other. It either felt mutually beneficial OR like I was helping them. Not the other way around. Networking was the result of connecting with those that reach out to me… not those to which I pursue. I find this side of connecting with others to be more vulnerable than I care to be. And it can be an energy drain.

Incremental Change
I love the idea of big, bold leaps. Though I can agree that a football goal is earned one first down at a time, I’m enamored with the hail mary finger-tip catch that puts you in the end zone in one fell swoop. The truth is, the hail mary is the most unlikely scenario here. This really is all about consistent first-downs earned a few yards at a time.

So, I’m learning to coach myself through toward the mental focus needed to keep fighting for one. more. yard.

Taking Care of Me
I can be very guilty of forsaking all else in order to reach a goal. And I run great risk of repeating that trend now. My tendency to over-focus on a goal can lead to me ignoring other important things in my life. Like self-care. Since beginning this career change journey, I’ve consumed my workout time with submitting resumes, writing cover letters and creating connections with potential leads.

Unfortunately, this doesn’t help with my stress management. So, this past week, I’ve refocused on daily exercise to ensure that I’m still taking care of me in the process.

The truth is, personal leadership & development is the precursor to team leadership & development. And I want to be a leader worth following. So, I’ll continue to refocus on these steps to get out (and stay out) of my rut.

3 Ways to Beat the Career Change Coaster

3 Ways to Beat the Career Change Coaster

by | Jan 31, 2023 | Blog, Leadership, My Life

When my daughter was young, we learned REAL fast her love for roller coasters. With one. exception.

No loop-de-loops.

None

Put her near a coaster with a loop-de-loop and that fierceness with which she tackles any other challenge in her life takes a big step back. She’s perfectly happy to let everyone ride that coaster. Give her $10 bucks because she’s getting ice cream.

Yes… $10. It’s an amusement park, remember? 🙄

A few years ago we were enjoying a day of roller coasters and over-priced cotton candy, when we got in line for a new coaster we’d not experienced yet. The line was particularly long but we weren’t deterred. As we waited, I remember how fun it was just hanging out with my teen & preteen, laughing and joking around. Though we’ve always had a pretty good dynamic on the daily, moments like these are highlights for me that I don’t just love my kids… I really LIKE them.

As we progressed forward in line, I look up to see the first thrill of the ride is a giant loop-de-loop!

ALL the questions flood my mind.

“Why didn’t I see that before we got in line? Did J see it? We’re so close to the front, do I say anything? Do I coach her through it or just let her walk back down the mile of steps we’d just spent 30 minutes inching our way up?”

I chose to do what any good mom would do.

I didn’t say word. Not. One.

The may be a point of trauma she’ll pay her therapist for one day. But today, she’s going to face this fear.

We sat strapped in the coaster car excited with anticipation waiting for the ride to begin when J looked ahead and saw the loop.

Her face flushed as it registered in her brain. Strapped into that harness, the panic is all over her face. I start coaching her through it.

“Just breathe, J. You can do this. Just breathe. I’m with you the whole time.”

To her credit, she didn’t beg to get out. Didn’t insist on getting off the ride.

She grabbed the handles, nodded her head and stared straight ahead.

There was more than one loop on this ride. I knew that too. But again… J was on a ‘need to know’ basis. And at this point, she didn’t need to know that.

As we exited the first loop J gritted her teeth and white-knuckled the harness handles. I looked over and gave her the best advice I had in the moment.

“Scream through it, J. If you scream, it helps.”

That chick screamed through every single turn, curve and loop. Every. Single. One.

By the end of the ride, my ears were ringing. I looked over at J as the cart came to a halt. She was grinning from ear to ear.

“Do you want to go again?”, I asked.

Something equivalent to ‘HALE No!’ burst out of her.

She conquered that fear. That was enough. She wasn’t interested in repeating the moment. 😂

This career change has been a little bit of a wild ride, for me. Twists, turns, and even a few loop-de-loops. But, there are a few key attributes I continue to hold to on this coaster. Attributes to help ensure I end up with a job that’s a great fit. One that holds promise to draw out the qualities I have to offer. One that offers space, time and resources to amplify the skill set I bring to the table.

With each unexpected turn and switchback, I’ve fought to white-knuckle these qualities no matter what this ride has to offer:

  1. Positive Attitude: Let’s face it, job searching can be a real buzzkill sometimes. Rejection emails pile up faster than dirty dishes in my college dorm. But, I can’t give in to despair. A positive outlook seems critical, even if it feels like the universe is conspiring against me. I choose to think of each rejection as one step closer to the right opportunity. My glass isn’t just half-full… it’s overflowing and doesn’t have room for rejection emails. (the jerks)
  2. Persistence: This process has worked my stick-to-it muscle more than anticipated. If you know me at all, you know I can be a pretty stubborn individual. Yet the willingness to take every single step necessary to help get my foot in the door can get a little mundane. I’m close to gamifying my magical spreadsheet just to keep it engaging. Let’s face it… if I could afford it, I’d reward myself with a new pair of shoes every time I land an interview. Buuuuuut… that budget does not exist. (Unless someone is willing to start a go-fund-me. I would not complain.)
  3. Flexibility: The job I land may not be the job I set out to get. I can be doggedly determined… but I can also be strategic and excited to land a job that gets me closer to my goal. I’ve been on the kiddie-coaster before. There are still engaging twists and turns to enjoy.

I knew the job search might be hard. Though I’ve never had to pursue a career change at this level before, I knew enough to know it would come with challenges. But knowing and experiencing are very different. This experience is a wild ride with a few loop-de-loops I didn’t anticipate until I was already strapped in the cart. But I’m learning to scream through the loops and enjoy the challenge for all it offers.

And, if all else fails, I can always open a lemonade stand or start a TikTok dance craze. Cuz’ that comes with great benefits, right? 🤣