Like many other ministry leaders, baptism for elementary age kids is something we evaluate often. Most of the time we’re asking ourselves, “How can we make this better?”
There are 3 key aspects to the baptism process that we pay close attention to: the Child’s Understanding; the Parent’s Perspective; the Ongoing Conversation.
the Child’s Understanding We want to do a great job ‘vetting’ kids who express interest in baptism to ensure that they have made a faith decision and are able to articulate that decision in their own words.
For some kids, the story of their steps toward salvation are clear. They can give an account for a time, place and/or circumstance that brought about their decision to follow Christ. Through conversation, they seem to have a clear understanding of their decision to pursue Jesus and their desire to be baptized.
For other kids, the account is more vague. Their ability to recount the details of a decision to make Jesus their ‘boss and best friend’ aren’t as clear. They seem to have a good understanding of the gospel. They have an ownership in their own sin and need for Jesus. But their story is not as clear cut.
I’ve invested a lot of time learning from other great leaders like Greg Baird, Jim Wideman, and JT Witcher to improve my ability to discern when a child has a level of understanding appropriate for the step of baptism.
But I’ve found that this step alone is only one aspect of the baptism process for a child. There are two other aspects that have taken our baptism process from good to great.
the Parent Perspective Parents can have a mixed bag of emotions when it comes to the prospect of baptism for their child. There are a few questions I consistently encounter…
Are they ready?
How do I know this is ‘real’?
How do I help them?
Parents are very proud and excited at the prospect of their child’s baptism. Like seeing an ‘A’ on a report card, their child’s desire for baptism is an indication they are on the right track. The excitement is hard to resist. After walking 3 of my own children through this process, I can identify.
Yet, as a ministry leader, I want to temper that excitement enough to help parents discern whether their child is actually ready or if more time would be beneficial. And this can be a tricky thing.
Some parents are receptive to the idea that more time is needed to allow their child to sort through their ‘why’. Others may not see the need. I’ve found that this conversation can be a minefield unless there is some aspect of the baptism conversation that we have together.
So we made a change last year.
Over the past year we’ve hosted a Baptism Workshop for parents and kids. Just as in the past, this step is required before any child 5th grade and younger is baptized in our church. But in the past, we’ve separated parents and kids to have two different conversations.
The Kid conversation is where we unpacked salvation and baptism. We asked questions to discern their understanding and sought to see what mom or dad already saw.
The Parent conversations is where we talked about parenting and what they can expect moving forward. How they can continue to conversation to foster an everyday faith in their child.
But we found this wasn’t getting us where we wanted to go. The truth is… parents are better equipped when they have a shared experience with their child. With shared experiences comes common language that helps the conversation continue. By separating parent and child, we weren’t able to give them a common language.
So we made a change to set families up for better conversations in the aftermath. And the outcome has been good so far.
the Ongoing Conversation When we made the shift we broke our Baptism Workshop into two segments.
Salvation The first segment is Salvation. Using NP’s We Believe dialogue, we unpack Salvation very clearly and simply. Once this part is presented, we shift gears. Now parent & child is given a window of time. This can vary but generally 10-12 minutes. This time is provided so parent can share with child their own Salvation story. The time when they chose to Believe and Receive Jesus.
Parents are forewarned prior to the class so they are prepared. But we give them the opportunity to share their own journey. And once they’re done, they ask their child the same thing, “When did you choose to Believe and Receive?”
For some families, the child’s articulation of their story is a re-run. Mom or dad have already heard it. Or maybe they were a part of it! Nonetheless, the opportunity to tell the story again is a good exercise for the child as it further solidifies their ability to tell their story.
We’ve had the most feedback on this aspect of the workshop from parents. They love the opportunity to share their own experience.
What about a parent who doesn’t know Christ? I’ve encountered this only a few times. And honestly… I wish I saw it more! In advance communications to parents who register their child for baptism, we share the parent’s role in the workshop and the opportunity they will have to share their own testimony. I invite them to let me know in advance if they do not have a salvation story to share so that I can step in and help. With those opportunities, I sit with that family during that part of the workshop and I share my own salvation story. These have actually been some of my more memorable experiences because there is a moment of intimacy where it’s clear the parent is wrestling with their faith.
Baptism
The second segment of the workshop is Baptism. We simply explain what baptism is and why it’s important. We share a little of the symbolism but generally keep this aspect pretty quick and light.
We wrap up the workshop by counseling with each family personally. In that conversation the parent gets to listen to their child as I ask questions. And I always start with, “When did you choose to Believe & Receive?” I give them the opportunity to share their story with me just as they shared it with their parent.
By doing this, I create the opportunity to point out where more time can be taken and more conversation can be focused to help the solidify the child’s understanding. Sometimes that means I recommend the family wait for baptism. And parents can see the reason’s why a little more clearly. Other times we move forward with baptism but the parent has a good understanding of how to target conversations in the future.
By and large this has been the most fun way to lead families through the Baptism process. And I’m excited about the way we’ve set parents up for ongoing dialogue about an everyday faith.
Over the past 4 weeks I’ve visited four different churches. Each church dramatically different from the other in terms of environment, community, and worship style. And yet there were consistencies that were very helpful/impactful to my first-time attending family.
Here are some notables from a few of the churches:
Directional Signage! Once we walked in the building it was obvious where to go to check in kids. The signage was eye-catching and the check-in space easily accessible.
Security! It is obvious how much a kids ministry values security when they employ a nametag policy. Only allowing access to certain areas of the kids space to those wearing parent receipts or volunteer nametags.
Environments! I’ve seen some spaces that look nothing like school, daycare or home. I love seeing the many ways creativity is employed to make a space unique for kids. Don’t forget to get on your knees and look at your space from their perspective. What would you add… or change?
And a few things to check into:
Human Signage – In one church the layout was so odd that we walked down a hallway that wraps around the main auditorium. We walked for a few minutes without encountering a person or open kids room. I almost thought we were headed the wrong direction. Some ‘Human Signage’ would have been highly beneficial. A quick smile, friendly greeting, handshake or just general availability to assure us we’re headed in the right direction. Many times we can’t do anything about our physical space. So we find creative ways to accommodate. Employing some of those volunteers that are natural “huggers and shakers” can go a long way toward resolving the quirky facility challenges.
Inviting Entries! Wish I could come up with better verbage for this, but it’s late. 🙂 It boils down to asking yourself… are my rooms inviting from the threshold? What entices a kid to want to enter the room? What tells them that if they don’t cross that threshold, they’re missing something B-I-G? I think I’m guilty of assuming that the fun things in my elementary space would entice any kid. I’ve been reminded that if they can’t see it from where they stand on the other side of the door… they may never know what they’re missing. It doesn’t have to be boisterous, or loud, or obnoxious. In fact, it’s better if it isn’t. It just has to be enticing.
Opportune Moments! One church we visited forced the parents to stand in the lobby while they’re child is called downstairs from the kids space. Though the process was fairly efficient, they missed an opportunity to communicate in a unique way. As the parents stood in line a flat screen television hanging on the wall in front of them sat completely blank. What information regarding your ministry would you love to communicate in that 2-3 minute time frame? Companies pay big bucks for a 30 second commercial before of a captive audience. This church had 180 seconds. Missed opportunity.
One of the best things to do for your ministry is to adjust your lens and view it from a completely different perspective… a new family perspective. Put it on your calendar and make it a priority at least 2x a year. Walk through your space… entrance to exit… and ask yourself, “If I were a new family, would I know where to go, what to do, or what to say?”
I’m in the minority tonight. Sent my daughter to a friends house for an overnight stay. My son has 2 of his own friends staying the night with us. Lots of sparring, burping and other entertaining sounds that emit from a 7-year old body.
I can remember in high school & college some of my friends joking about how much their parents played worship music or the equivalent to KLOVE constantly in their home. In fact my friends weren’t allowed to listen to anything mainstream. It was totally banned in their home. From my perspective at that time, these parents were irrelevant and disconnected from the world around them.
I can remember internally vowing to not be that parent.
Fast forward a few decades…
Worship music keeps my stress level down. In a season where there seems more to do than time will allow, my tension level can creep up faster than I realize. Listening to songs that refocus my attention on God goes a long way toward keeping my head in the right place. But I noticed something odd yesterday. A familiar thought pattern that I’ve never taken note of before.
I started questioning whether I was playing my worship music too much.
Will this warp my kids?
Will I turn into one of those parents?
Will this lead to watching Gaither Reunion reruns on TBN? (I’m not a hater… just not a fan.)
To be fair, I think the bigger issue with my college friends was that they grew up listening to stuff their parents connected with… but they didn’t. Their impression of “Christian” music was poor because they’d never heard stuff they liked. The snippets of music they heard from mainstream radio drew them in… what they heard constantly in their home did not. So the draw for mainstream music increased while the love for worship music disappeared.
I don’t want my kids to grow up in a world of irrelevance. I don’t want them to fear things in this world in an unhealthy way.
I want them to have an appropriate reverence for the things of God. To value the things that focus their attention on Him. To recognize the things that draw their attention away from God, and limit (if not eliminate) their influence.
Does this mean my kids will never be allowed to listen to mainstream radio? No
It just means we’ll teach the value of what worship music does that mainstream music does not.
It means we’ll talk about the impact this music has on our personal relationship with our Savior.
It means we won’t assume our kids will love our music. But instead we’ll need to explore together to discover the music they connect with best.
Thanks for the therapy session. I can drop that baggage now. 🙂
I’m more like Seinfeld’s Elaine with a moral bent.
So when fellow parents request parenting advice from me I feel like I must offer a disclaimer… a little “fine print” that lets them know that I’m on the journey as well… and I don’t have all the answers.
But I do have some suggestions when it comes to teaching kids how to have a right heart.
So many times as parents, we can teach kids the response we expect. However it’s obvious when they’re just giving us the response we expect yet their heart is not in the right place. How do we address the heart issue? This isn’t something you can beat out of them… (err, I mean) This isn’t something you can reach inside and change. 🙂
But there are a few things you can do that address the issue and teach your child over time how to do their own ‘heart check’.
**these are in no particular order**
Right vs Wrong– This is one of the best books I’ve read about the reasons I want to teach my kids the character of God. Why? B/c relating back to the character of God draws our focus back to the image in which we were created. Character gets to the heart of the issue. I want my kids (and myself) to learn to act in ways consistent with God’s character b/c that’s who He created me to be.
Gods Word – Pray His Word over your child. This is different from praying with your child. Pray scripture over your child. Why? B/c Isaiah 55:11 tells us that God’s Word does exactly what He purposes for it to do. And Hebrews 4:12 tells me that His Word “…is sharper than a double-edge sword… that discerns the thoughts and intents of the heart.” So, if it’s a heart issue then it’s really not our job to change it. That’s God’s domain. Our role is to actively speak His Word into their lives so that His Word can dissect, discern and develop the heart of our kids.
There you have it… my “not-so SuperNanny… nowhere-near Clair Huxtable… yet so-much-better-than Elaine” parenting advice on how to address the heart issue of your child. Enjoy
Working with Gina was one of the best learning experiences of my career. Gina not only brought a sensible, no-nonsense attitude to the table, she had a way of casting vision that I have rarely seen. In a few short months, she was able to bring our team together with a common mission and goal. She was able to build and help us implement processes and procedures into our systems that had been missing for years.
Gina's strategic mind combined with her deep care of those she leads is a combination that leaves a mark on anyone who is fortunate enough to sit under her leadership. I'm forever grateful for the impact she has had and continues to have on my life.
Gina is willing to listen.
Working alongside Gina and her leadership is a blessing because she allowed me to learn from what I produce from the coaching tools she delivers. As a leader, Gina shows that she is not perfect, and expects imperfection from her team as well.
The biggest aspect that I love about Gina and her leadership is her willingness to listen, and not just look for a solution.
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Working with Gina has been a gift.
Working with Gina the last several years has been such a gift to me! She has a way of asking questions and sharing her wisdom to help you move your ministry in a direction you never thought possible. She helped me take a ministry that relied heavily on one person and create a structure that supported teams of leaders and teachers. Our ministry today has so many people that are owners of their areas of ministry because of the coaching I received. Her counsel in my life personally and with ministry has been such a gift to me! If you are looking for someone full of Godly wisdom and practical advice that will challenge and encourage you along the way, she is it!
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Gina McClain has been an incredible mentor and coach of mine for the past several years. Her real world experience and humble vulnerability make her advice both wise and relatable. She is great with processing strategic systems, brainstorming new ideas, casting vision, and seeing the big picture. Gina has helped develop me into a much better leader and see things differently with new ways to grow.
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She has the amazing ability to take things that seem jumbled and disconnected, zoom out, and bring clarity of vision to any situation she’s faced with. Gina’s a unique leader who isn’t able to just cast strong vision but can actually give you the steps to make it happen! And of course the added bonus is that it’s just plain fun to work with Gina!
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It was one of the greatest honors to lead under and alongside a leader like Gina. She has a powerful gifting to bring clear vision and strategy to teams while also stopping to walk through individual scenarios with care and intentionality. She makes things fun and understandable while leading a team always with the greatest balance of strength through vulnerability and wisdom. I have been changed as a leader because of working with Gina.
Thriving Culture
She guided our team towards a coaching structure, selection of key leaders, and ensured we had an optimal environment to welcome kids and families while not wavering on a safe and engaging experience.Her leadership and guidance not only strengthened the foundation, our team naturally grew because people were seen and known. The team quickly became a community with a thriving culture that people wanted to be a part of.
