A few weeks ago I shared some thoughts on my personal self-leadership journey and things I’ve changed my mind about. Both posts are born from a book I’ve read twice in the past few months. Truth be told… I’ll read it again. And again.
This is one of those books that offers nuggets of truth with every turn of the page. I love journey’s like this.
Richard Rohr’s book Immortal Diamond is a profound exploration of the spiritual journey towards discovering our true identity as beloved children of God. Drawing from the Christian mystical tradition, Rohr uses the metaphor of the diamond to describe the true self that lies at the core of each of us. This self is not defined by our accomplishments, possessions, or external labels, but rather by our connection to our Creator.
One of the key themes of the book is the idea that we must first let go of our false self – the ego-driven self that is shaped by societal norms and expectations – in order to access our true self. This can be a difficult and painful process, requiring us to confront the parts of ourselves that we have been taught to suppress or deny.
The nugget to which I continue to return is the parable Rohr centers this idea upon. A parable Jesus shares with his followers (Matthew 13:44) where he makes another attempt to help his audience understand a little more of what the reign of heaven can look like in their lives. This audience is keenly aware of the reign of Rome and the oppression & marginalization they experience daily.
Jesus offers a contrast in this story giving insight into what the reign of heaven can look like. It’s like a man who discovers treasure in a field. He hides the treasure again and (“in his joy”) sells everything he owns and purchases the field that contains that treasure. That’s a bold move.
It’s as if Jesus was telling this crowd that the treasure this man discovered was worth EVERYTHING he had in order to possess it.
Rohr contends that Jesus was attempting to communicate that within each of God’s creation (ahem… US 😉) lies our true selves. The person God created us to be. Our truest version of us. And therein lies an invitation to…
…co-labor with our Creator…
… to seek what’s hidden deep within….
…and unearth the truest version of ourselves…
…surrendering all we have in order to reveal this version of us to the world.
This is a very different way of thinking for me. As a woman who’s spent the majority of my life in the church, I was taught the deepest, truest version of me is…
…broken…
…fractured by sin…
…prone to wander…
…never to be trusted.
This way of thinking requires constant behavior modification. External guardrails to keep this inherently sinful me in check.
Though there is truth to this messaging that the church shares about our tendency toward self-focus, my mind has begun to change about this. I’m not here to debate theology. That’s not my expertise and I couldn’t hold a candle to many reading this post. I only want to contend that when we focus so heavily on our inherent sin nature we can detract from another equally valuable truth… that we are created by a Divine Creator. That we have inherent value simply because we exist. And that inherent value was never fractured by sin.
It’s this inherent value that I continue to circle back to when I consider the work I’ve begun as I co-labor with my Creator to unearth the truest version of me. Not the politically-correct, good-Christian, fluent-in-church-speak version of me. Rohr would call that my ‘false self’ that I’ve invested so much time cultivating,
Because I’ve spent all my life tending to this ‘false self’, I’ve lost time and energy excavating the real me. The real me remained under the surface. Creating a foundation upon which my ‘false self’ was propped up for all to see… and (hopefully) admire.
The good Christian pastor, wife, mom, daughter, friend… etc. And though I will always argue that this version of me was true. It was not completely true. And unfortunately, what is not completely true begins to break down over time. The foundation that propped up my false self had cracks in it. And those cracks were growing larger.
The immortal diamond (aka truest version of me) was under the surface waiting to be discovered… ready to be excavated. Eager to be fully known.
Unearthing the truest version of me has proven to be a journey of extreme courage, profound loss, and redefining rootedness. Though there are aspects of this journey that I wish were not as hard… it’s difficult to see how it could be any other way. Surrendering all that I had in order to possess all that I am.
Simple yet profoundly difficult.
And unavoidably necessary in the journey to rediscovering me.
